11 years & a lifetime ago

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All week I’ve been starting sentences with, “11 years ago …” followed by some random memory about how physically uncomfortable or in-every-way unprepared I was to have a baby. I can’t even write “… to become a mama” because I that just wasn’t a concept that I could wrap my mind around. Truth be told, it wasn’t a concept that I could verbalize because I was scared shitless.

Today, my first sentence is, “THANK YOU, angels, for trusting me to get my shit together and figure out that loving this little dude is the greatest adventure and privilege of my life!” Oh, there will be more “11 years ago” sentences … when I get to retell the stories of the moments that managed to stick in my mind – deciding that I wanted pancakes in the middle of labor because I was too scared to actually deliver a human out of my body, of calling – and YELLING – at my family because I was about to give birth and they were walking around Ala Moana, of hearing my baby’s cry out in the hospital hallway and pushing my way out of bed because I KNEW it was my boy, of coming home and having to go get diapers since denial trumped preparedness before my boy’s arrival, of watching him sleep for hours that first week because I was in awe of the boy that eased his way into my world and definitively conquered my heart.

So, sweet boy of ours … happy birthday! You have the hearts of both of your mamas snuggeld in your hands. Not a day goes by that we don’t comment on how beautiful your spirit is and how lucky we are to be your guardians and cheerleaders in this life. Our wishes for you are so big that it is hard to put it all in words because I just don’t think that words are big or great enough to do justice to what we want for you in the life. Just know this  -our love for you is so miraculous that you have changed the lives of two people, you have made us better people with bigger hearts than we knew we possessed. Your presence in this world makes other people’s lives beautiful because your love and spirit brightens their days and worlds. You teach others to be kind and giving, to share aloha and enjoy simple moments in life.

11 years ago I had no idea how lucky I was going to be when you chose me to be your mama. Thank you, my love, for trusting me to be the mama you need in this life.  

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