#figuringout40: 40 May Be Fabulous … But I’m Flummoxed

From what I understand, by the time you’re 40, you’re supposed to be an adult. You should have a family and a mortgage, a career and OCD tendencies over random stuff. I’ve heard that there is often and set circle of fellow family and couple friends, usually that come with kids if you and your spouse ( provided you have a spouse) has a kid. Your retirement accounts should be fattening up and there is some sort of understanding about investments and stocks and bonds. Life’s supposed to be pretty routine and predictable.

KaenaMeWell, I have some of those things covered. But my life at almost-40 is not quite what I expected. Not a complaint – just a little observation.

I’m turning 40 in a couple of months. To be precise, I’m turing 40 in 53 days. But life is not as soaked in certainty and routine as I thought it would be. Becoming a 40-year-old hasn’t made a wise, mature woman. I don’t think anyone would call me their sage or guru. When I turned 39, I started to wonder what it meant to be a 40-year-old. How much should I know about life? About being a mama? About my career? About myself? And so I started to take random quiet moments to ask myself small, unobtrusive questions. After all, I didn’t want to scare myself off.

So, with 53 days until I turn 40 and then a whole year of being 40 before becoming a more-advanced 40, I am choosing to be more purposeful on what it means for me to be at an age that (supposedly) implies maturity.

I’m a journal keeper. Always have been. A self-writer. And, this year, my journal is an intentional probing and mapping of my inner workings. I don’t exactly know what I’m going to discover. I don’t know how I’m going to react to what I learn about myself. But I do know that this is a vitally important exploration of the woman I am and, hopefully, an incredibly informative endeavor for the woman I hope to become.

Over the past year, I have been sharing snippets of my daily life and my family on Instagram (@apls_mama). As 2015 made her way in, I am continuing to enjoy my IG feed because it’s a quick and easy-techie way for me to document the daily moments of this life. I may not be the wisest 40-year-old out here, but I do know that these normal, everyday, chaotic, disorganized, messy, candid moments photographically preserved are a priceless journal for my family.

This life thing … it’s a journey, isn’t it? And, big picture … I think the big picture is pretty darn simple … to figure out our best way from start to finish, spreading a little bit of love, learning something new along the way and being the best individual we can. So, here’s to my baby steps in this phase of my journey.

Are you about to turn 40? Are you already 40 or moving through your 40s? If so, I’d love to hear your thoughts or have you share your journey. You can also find me on IG (#figuringout40).

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