Golf and Boobs: Lessons from the Driving Range


One Sunday, after a leisurely breakfast at Rainbow Drive-In (I was CRAVING pancakes … and, let’s face it, there are somethings that I’m just not very good at cooking – pancakes are one of them. I’ve accepted that shortcoming. Well, kind of), my wife took me to the driving range for my first attempt at golf.

Panda plays golf. She enjoys it. Well, at least she enjoys the beer that seems to go with the golf. And the company. She always seems to have good company when she golfs (LOVE the Padres!). But me … nope! Not a golfer. In fact, I could not imagine a more monumental waste of time than chasing a tiny little ball around a big ‘ole lawn that someone has to mow and water. Seriously? I’ve been encouraged to try my hand at golf for awhile. I’ve had former supervisors who were adamant that being able to play golf would increase my effectiveness in my positions (apparently deans of pharmacy schools and administrators in higher ed enjoy golf). I have had friends who tried to convince me that a long-ass game of golf would relax me (can we say that these friends didn’t know me very well??). But the thought of going down to the driving range didn’t cause such a violent reaction in me. In fact, I was somewhat curious to see for myself what could possibly be so interesting about golf.

So, after assuring me that she would not laugh at me attempts (I truly have the most amazing wife!), we took the clubs down the street to Ala Wai driving range. She purchased a couple of baskets of balls. It was scorching hot. It was quiet. The only sounds were of the balls being hit, balls being poured out of baskets and the announcer telling people they could doom the rest of their day start their golfing adventure for the day and get into their little go carts. I have to say, I learned many lessons that day.

5) People wear gloves while playing golf for a reason … BLISTERS, people! who knew?? Within minutes of trying to swing the damn bat club, the palms of my hands hurt. I was confused. Very confused. But Panda explained to me that when you actually partake of physical activity, physical effects could result

4) Don’t expect to feel anything but stupid when you first pick up a golf club and try to swing it. Seriously stupid. Panda is a patient teacher. I think (in this instance) it helped that she knows me – how I think, how I react and what my comfort zones are. So she also knows how to put things into a perspective that makes me feel less stupid and latch on more to things that I find important – as in movement and how the movement should feel and look. I’m not even sure that she realizes that she does this with me.

3) The driving range is a SERIOUS place … if you laugh or chatter a little too loudly, old grumpy men will give you dirty looks. And let me tell you … there are A LOT of grumpy old men there. Of course, when I get those dirty looks, it just makes me want to be louder … and more annoying. But I restrained myself. After all, my wife does like to golf. And she should be able to go to the closest batting driving range without fear of banishment.

2) Swinging a golf club and hitting a little ball is an EXCELLENT anger management mechanism! No wonder pharmacy deans, higher ed administrators, bankers and lawyers take up golfing … it’s a great way to purge your frustration and hate of all things and people who are stupid.


1) Golf was NOT created for or by women with big boobs! I’m sure that there is some technique modification known to compensate for a voluptuous figure … but let’s face it … large breasts get in the way of the wind up (which i suppose is a back swing). After dedicating some downtime in my office to golf swing techniques for the voluptuous, I found a few links that I’d like to share with you (Margot … here’s the dirt!)

See, people, I am NOT making this up … this is a real and serious issue! But it looks like there is hope for the voluptuous when it comes to golfing. Not sure that I’m that invested in it, but if the yearning to perfect my golf swing ever hits, I now know that there are resources I can access. And knowing is half the battle. The other half is getting around the boobs!

Here’s to a happy Tuesday for y’all. Enjoy yourselves wherever the go carts may take you!


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