all manners of recovery

my wife and i are not good at sleeping. in fact, we’re pretty darn horrible at it. neither of us have slept a full night through in … good lord! i don’t know how long. but lately, my sleep has been absolutely horrendous. which is crappy for her, because when i’m restless and sleepless, i tend to make everyone restless and sleepless {sorry, baby!}. but yesterday, my body laid down the law. basically, my body shut down. it said, “UH-UH! NO MORE! YOUR ARE PAU!” after barely making it through my day at my desk, i managed to crawl home and into bed. by 5:30 (i think) i was crashed out. and i didn’t truly open my eyes until6:15 this morning.

i wonder what kind of toll the sleeplessness, stress, craziness of life, crappy eating, coffee drinking and non-exercise really have on my life. how many years in this body have i shaved off because of how i live? and in my ever-existent, rarely-practiced consciousness {maybe “quest” is a better word – but that implies active participation … ummm, i’ll have to think about this one for a bit} of being healthier, ruminations about how my body is impacted by all the daily insanity constantly run through my mind. and so i try to make small steps to be better.

SMALL being the key word in that sentence. let’s face it, i’m not good at BIG, life-altering steps. it takes me a bit to get to the point when i’m okay with change. even when change is good for me. but small can be monumental too. as in me getting back into yoga. back in a a different lifetime, i enjoyed practicing yoga. i never got very advanced, but i was good at dropping into at least two classes per week and doing the sun salutation every morning. it kept me limber and helped with my never-existent upper body strengthening. its hard to get back into the good habits. i get so proud when i show up to my yoga class once a week now. as i said, small steps. sometimes that is all we can ask of ourselves and of others.

in the grand scheme of this world, we are truly very small



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